iwillbeyourhands:
LIKE there’s this whole thing in this book about how your brain grows stronger and healthier by practicing responding to stress in healthy ways, because if a stressor is predictable and you feel a sense of control over it, you habituate and stop reacting to it, but if it’s random and unpredictable you have the opposite response and become sensitized, so your reaction actually gets more and more extreme. (if you hear a loud noise at predictable intervals you’ll soon stop noticing or reacting, but if you hear it at random intervals you’ll become sensitive to it and anxious.) so one way to help people who have adverse reactions to reminders of trauma is to give them control over how they’re reminded of the trauma, because it helps the brain practice responding to stress in a safe way so you can habituate to the stress response.
which is why if someone tags something for a trigger and you still choose to look, it’s actually an act of healthy resistance against your reaction to that trigger (because it teaches your brain to habituate), but encountering something triggering in a random and unpredictable way actually increases your stress response and makes you more sensitive to the trigger. so people who are against trigger warnings because “you have to learn to cope” are actually taking away your tools for learning to cope, because encountering stressors in a way that further strips you of control over your trauma is never, ever helpful. it’s a lot of stuff i kind of knew but integrated and explained with more context and science
(Source: quadlutz, via the-moonlight-witch)
ladyloveandjustice:
maslna:
howgayofme:
tbh ace discourse is so distressing to me bc like. i highly doubt inclusionists even understand what the lgbt community is all about?
like ive seen inclusionists legit ask what resources cishet aro/ace people and cis aroace people could ~~supposedly~~ steal and like. do you know why there are lgbt homeless shelters? like has it even crossed your mind why lgbt people cant go to standard shelters? its bc wed get kicked out in the best case scenario and get assaulted or murdered in the worst case. who is gonna kick someone out of an homeless shelter bc they dont feel sexual attraction?
the same goes for lgbt scholarships, hotlines and so on. we need these resources bc cishets either dont give a shit about us or they want us dead.
and the lgbt community and the ace community also have extremely different goals. i support the ace community. i think we should make people aware of informed consent, we should talk about the sexualization found in our society, about how sex and romance arent the only things that make us human and people can live a happy life without them. but the lgbt community isnt the place where to do it.
listen. for lgbt people sex is often a demonized aspect of their lifes. homophobic sexual jokes; ‘predatory gay man/lesbian/trans person’ stereotypes; equating gay relationships with sexual intercourse; sexual harassment suffered especially by wlw’ the slut shaming suffered by bi, pan and poly people; corrective rape; ‘love the sinner hate the sin’ mentality, are all things the lgbt community is supposed to be free of. now i hope you understand why, for someone struggling to see their sexual attraction as something good and normal, in the only safe haven they have, having somebody preach that ‘not feeling sexual attraction is ok!’, is downright disrespectful and hurtful, even tho its a valid statement.
the lgbt community and the ace community can be allied, but we cannot be united, and thats not hate speech, thats just me caring for my own.
OP: Makes this beautiful post about how the ace and LGBT community can work together, but not be joined in a well thought out and understanding manner.
Hellsite Ace Cryptids crawling out from a sewer gutter and into the notes of this post: “Bad post OP!! Cishet aces are LGBT!!!!!”
So. ace lesbian here. This is a nice nuanced take and all, but, the reason I can’t really get behind it is because the lesbian and aceness ARE united. inside me. I’m both of these, yet. l see every day other queer people make fun and say nasty things to people who are ace. Like just some ridiculously cruel. abusive shit. And then they try to backpedal and asterisk “just cishet aces” but y’know, you’re not fooling anyone. And I don’t want you to ask me to throw a part of my identity under the bus and put up with you shitting on it to be “accepted by the community” That shit still hurts me too. And I’ve had y’all lecture me that I’m confused or whatever, that corrective rape against ace people doesn’t count, all that bullshit. And I find it funny non ace lgbt people get to be the deciders of whether these communities get to be united or allied or whatever nebulous thing. like. do people like me get a vote at all? Apparently I’m not “your own”?
There are no ace people plotting to take a spot in a homeless shelter or a scholarship from you. I swear.
Also, I’ve never seen an ace person who is cishet claim to be LGBT, funnily enough? They identify as queer, which is a more nebulous term. We can definitely debate that but let’s at least like. not be disingenuous here.
Also, saying not feeling sexual attraction is okay literally has nothing to do with the prejudices listed. Like it doesn’t conflict with or invalidate any of those struggles. Telling people who struggle with something they’re not alone doesn’t hurt anyone, even if other people have different struggles. And we don’t even all have different struggles! Most of those things listed, I have been a target of too. Me being ace doesn’t magically stop the sexual bullshit and prejudice aimed at wlw from finding me.
When I was a kid, I needed info and understanding about asexuality just as badly as I needed info about same-gender attraction. Because it was a big part of why I felt I was broken. it made everything so much fucking harder for me. The gay angst and the ace angst were all mixed up inside me. They couldn’t be separated. So I can’t really get too bent out of shape about whether communities should be “united” or “allied”. I just kinda want you guys to stop ignoring the experiences of people like me.
(Source: ilovegirlsalways)